Yes, I was a "Best Man"

This was my "Best Man" speech for the wedding of my brother, Tim, and his wife, Melissa, on December 28, 2012.  If you can't tell, I was so very honored and proud to be standing up there by his side...

 "For those of you whom I have not had the pleasure of meeting, I am Julie Lang, Tim's older sister.  I was honored when he asked me to be his "Best Man," as I have been excitedly awaiting this opportunity for quite a while.

As untraditional as a female being a “Best Man” is, if you know Tim & myself, you wouldn’t question the position.  I was 20 months old when Tim was brought home from the hospital, so in all actuality, he was there as long as I can remember… and then some.  We had the normal relationship of a brother and sister growing up. We laughed together while dressing up our poor dogs in costumes, we fought over the remote for Saturday morning cartoons of He-Man versus Care Bears, and we plotted together to catch Santa Clause (which I will say that we fell asleep under the kitchen table too early to ever determine a definitive answer of his existence). 

Being the older sister had its benefits, like always having a guinea pig for trying out new makeup colors and techniques, someone to force to bring his GI Joes to play Barbies with me, and of course always having victims for new hair cuts & styles (sorry about the bald spots to you & Luke). Being the older sister also had its downfalls, though.  In high school, where I was coming into my own coolness, Tim was around.  All the time.  Most likely because I had my group of girlfriends over quite a bit, and Tim seemed to like the attention of the pretty older women.  He flirted and made jokes.  And they laughed.  And I was annoyed.  Although I loved my brother like any sister would, my main memories of our relationship in high school were being annoyed that he stole the show quite a bit. 

But then college came for both of us. I went to Kansas City, and two years later, Tim went to Chicago.   We were over 500 miles apart for the first time ever.  To some, that doesn’t sound like a huge distance, but for those of us from small towns, you know how much of an impact that that gap can have.  During this time was when the real conversations started happening.  About friendships, about love, about ourselves.  I knew that Tim had always had a kind heart and a sweet spirit, but as we both started becoming adults, this became much more evident.  His loyalty and support to me was unwavering, regardless of the dumb decisions I made and dumb guys I dated (not you, Ryan).  I felt complimented when people would describe Tim as a male version of me or vice versa.  Even when his career path led him to be surrounded by people who led lifestyles quite different from his own, he stayed the strong God-fearing man that he is, welcoming those experiences and friendships with open arms… And with his unwavering sense of humor, he sometimes even welcomed those experiences with an open orange jumpsuit. 

Tim has been my best friend for a long time, and I am so proud of the person he is.  He is a man of God, loyal to the core, kind and loving, creative and funny without measure, an amazing uncle, and someone I look up to.  All of these traits that I knew would make him a wonderful boyfriend and husband.  But Tim just had such high expectations for girls he would consider dating.  So he just didn’t.  At times I would think that he just needed to lower his standards.  But I would quickly recant those thoughts, knowing that God’s plan for Tim’s life was bigger than anything I could imagine. 

Girlfriends & marriage rarely came up in conversations over the past several years, and that was just how it was.  Until for some reason this past Labor Day weekend, while my family was at Table Rock Lake, I brought it up that I thought that when Tim found someone, it was going to move fast, and it was going to be perfect.  I think his response was just an eye roll and a laugh.  Less than two weeks later, though, I heard the name Melissa for the first time.  And I did what any protective sister would do.  I stalked her on Facebook.  After seeing what I could see, this is the text that I sent Tim: “So I creeped on Melissa’s Facebook page.  1:  She’s beautiful.  2: she doesn’t hide her faith.  3: she’s a first grade teacher-cute.  4: I approve… “  To Tim’s reply of  “Haha.  That’s awesome.  We’ve already talked a bunch and are going out tomorrow.” At that moment, I knew.  I just had a feeling that this was it, that she was the one. 

Then a couple weeks later, we were invited to meet her.  My family was all invited down to our cabin at Table Rock Lake to meet Melissa.  It is a 3½ hour drive for my Kansas City Crew, and my nerves were going crazy.  The nervousness was not for Tim, though, but for me.  Like I said a moment ago, I knew Tim had found his One.  But would she like me? Would she think my kids were cute? Would I have a place in her life?  I had been praying for Melissa, not knowing her, for many years.  I prayed for Tim’s future spouse to be his compliment, his partner in life and dreams and goals, the other half of his heart.  And all of a sudden I was going to meet this woman that only God could have prepared.  Fortunately, when we met, there was an immediate sense of closeness that you usually have with someone you have known for a while.  That weekend we got to know Melissa in a 400 square foot cabin, surrounded by 6 adults, a toddler, an infant and a 90 pound chocolate lab. She took the tight arrangements with a grain of salt, loved on my kiddos like she was already their aunt, and she exceeded any dreams I had for my brother. 

Over the last several weeks, I have been fortunate to spend a decent amount of time with Melissa, and I am constantly amazed at her heart, her character, and her pure love for my brother.  Anyone who sees Tim & Melissa together cannot question the timing of their relationship, their love, or the hand that God has had in all of it.  They were meant to be. 

To Melissa, thank you for choosing my brother.  Thank you for knowing how blessed you are to have found him.  Thank you for laughing at his jokes, going along with his crazy adventures, sharing his dreams. Thank you for loving him like I have always prayed for him to be loved and for treating him the way he deserves to be treated. Thank you for being his one and only, his other half, and now his wife.  

And to Tim, I hope you know how blessed I feel to have you as my brother. Thank you for always being there for me.  Thank you for always loving and supporting me and for asking me to stand beside you on this special day.

So, let’s all raise our glasses and toast to the happy couple, my brother Tim, and my now sister Melissa.  I love you both so much and wish you all the best that life has to offer.  Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Tim & Melissa Hawn, and may God bless your life together.  

Tim & Melissa, 12/28/12

My baby brother and me, circa 1988

Thankful

As is popular on social networking sites, here is my Thankful List.  One for every day in November.

I am thankful for...

1.  God and His amazing grace, faithfulness, forgiveness, protection, guidance, and Love.
2.  Ryan, a wonderful husband who supports me when I feel helpless, makes me laugh when I'm sad, and loves me when I don't deserve it.
3.  Caiden, our happy, healthy, perfect little boy.
4.  Max, our dog, who is our first baby and still thinks he belongs on our laps.
5.  Chocolate.  No explanation necessary.
6.  My parents and brothers.  My upbringing was full of values, laughter, fun, and learning.  I wouldn't change a single thing and know that I am who I am today because of how I grew up.
7.  My job.  Who can say with honesty that they love to go to work every single day?  Me.
8.  Our home.  We bought this house 16 months ago, and although it has been a slow process of renovations and updates, it became our home as soon as we stepped into it.
9.  Amazing friends who understand that marriage and babies sometimes get in the way of social interaction and who still love and support us nonetheless.
10.  Music.  It has been such a huge part of my life from church plays to school band and choir to musical mission trips in South America.  I hope that I can pass on my passion to Caiden and the understanding that music can be such a great form of expression and connection into a person's heart.
11.  A safe, reliable car.
12.  The Lake.  I love having a special place that my family can go to relax and have fun.  I hope Caiden takes the memories we will have at Table Rock with him as he grows up, just as I take with me from when I was younger.
13.  Caffeine Free Diet Mt. Dew.  And Caffeine Free Diet Dr. Pepper.
14.  When Ryan gets up with Caiden at 7am to let me sleep in on a weekend that I don't have to work.
15.  Ice cream.  See #5.
16.  The troops serving (and who have served) in the US and across the world to help protect the freedoms of our country.
17.  Birthdays.  I love feeling special and making other people feel the same way on their special day :)
18.  Pedicures.
19.  Burt's Bees lip balm.
20.  The high I get from finding a great bargain.  I don't remember the last time I bought something full price.  And I love that!
21.  Amazon.com Subscribe & Save diapers.  Seriously, I get diapers cheaper than from any retail store (even on super-sale), delivered to my house FOR FREE as often as I'd like.  I haven't bought diapers from a store in... well, since before Caiden was born.  No, I don't get commission from them for promoting their services, but man, if I did, I'd be a billionaire.
22.  Family traditions that have been going on as long as I can remember... and that we can hopefully continue with our family.
23.  A good hug.
24.  A perfect, sunny, upper-60 degree fall day.
25.  Individuals that I am randomly introduced to, that for a variety of reasons, have left a permanent imprint on my heart.
26.  A great burger.
27.  That Ryan will give me a foot massage whenever I ask.
28.  Finding a church that we love that offers so many opportunities for our family to grow in our faith.
29.  My health.
30.  The opportunities I have been given to become who I want and to live my life the best way I know how.  The opportunities I have taken to better my own life and the life of my family.  The opportunities I hope to have to thank those who have helped me get to where I am.

15 Things I've Learned...

I have honestly been trying to come up with a funny, quirky list of some of the things I have learned since becoming a mom... well, for several months now.  Then, I read a great list from one of the blogs I read.  So, instead of racking my brain for something better, I just decided to re-post this list.  Maybe a future post of mine will be some additions to this list.  Well, just enjoy this one for now!

15 Things That Change When You Have A Baby

By Rebecca Woolf

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid. 
3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.
4. You respect your body ... finally.
5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.
6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.
8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.
9. Your heart breaks much more easily. 
10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.
11. Every day is a surprise.
12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
14. You become a morning person.
15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

From: http://www.babycenter.com/0_forty-two-things-that-change-when-you-have-a-baby_1452535.bc?scid=momsbaby_20110920:2&pe=MlV6d1gxUHwyMDExMDkyMA 

I've Got Friends in Lowww Places

Having a baby changes your life.  In more ways than one.  Duh.  I had heard that relationships you had before having kiddos could be altered once your little one arrived, but never really thought too much about it.  I loved all the friends in my life.  I was sure having our little man would not change things that much.

Well, things did change.  But not necessarily how you might think.  Yes, we did have a few friends who seemed to fade off into the distance without much ado.  Some were more frustrating and harder to let go than others.  But the biggest changes I encountered were how many of my friendships grew.  Especially my friendships with other moms and moms-to-be.  Not only did we share this common thread - our kiddos - but our empathy for each other deepened.  We recognize and understand the aspects of daily life that only other moms & dads can.  We know the work that it takes to raise children, especially when you are trying to do so while working outside of the home, with Christian values, and all-the-while, trying to stay current and connected to the outside world.

I have mentioned this in a previous post that when I became a mother, I learned so much about my own mom.  I feel very similar feelings about my friends who were mothers before me.  The cliche is absolutely true that until you have your own children, you just don't understand how it changes your life.  How you would give up your own life to save your child's.  How you worry about his happiness, his future, his safety... all of the time.  How you never knew your heart could be so filled with happiness that at some moments throughout the day, you have to hide the tears of joy trickling down your face.

It goes both ways, too.  My friends who were mothers prior to me began reaching out to me more, supporting me throughout the pregnancy, and after Caiden came into our lives.  It was wonderful having that empathetic shoulder to lean on, a knowledgeable ear to listen to my stories and questions (or facebook posts), and an understanding heart who shares in the same small joys and trials of motherhood that I was experiencing.  Now that I have a couple of friends who are pregnant with their first, I see myself doing the same things.  I am so excited to help them navigate the trek through the baby registry and tips for saving money and time.  But more so, I am highly awaiting their turn to experience those same joys, both small and large, that I have just recently gone through myself.   And honestly, I can't wait to have more opportunities for play dates and mommy-get-togethers :)

And there is my other group of friends who are not yet parents, who are in different stages of their lives, but that are still constant in mine.  I think it takes a strong relationship to last through those alternating phases, being completely understanding and patient while each person takes their turn with significant events... even when those milestones seem to be polar opposites of each other.  Those friends who I can reconnect with instantly, as if time has not even passed, living in the moments that we are able to spend together... well, those friends are treasures to me.

Friendships are very fluid... they change and develop and grow closer together and farther apart constantly.  Trying to keep them exactly the same for all time is unrealistic and, in my experience, a near guarantee for failure.  This knowledge has only been highlighted as I have become a mom.  I am so fortunate that I do have a wonderful group of friends in my life who understand the life changes I am going through or at least are patient until those ebbs and flows have calmed.  They are from different stages in my life, are all in different stages of their own, and we love each other just the same.  I am so grateful for each of these friends and the value they have added in my life.  I hope I have or can someday do the same for them.

**I did not post any pictures of my friends in this blog, but you know who you are :)

Six Months!

Caiden Lake Lang turned 6 months old on May 30, 2011.  I cannot believe my baby is getting so big!!  These six months have flown by, but I cannot honestly remember what life was like before we were blessed with his arrival!  To my sweet baby son...

Caiden, you are such a happy boy.  People we know, along with many we don't, comment all of the time about just how "good" you are.  You are laid back, adapt easily to whatever situation we put you in, and rarely fuss.  You usually have a smile on your face, and often you are giggling, if not immersed in a full-blown belly laugh.  You always have a huge smile for Mommy or Daddy when they see you in the morning or after they come home in the evening.  You especially love Max, and think it is hilarious when he licks your feet or has his tongue hanging out of his mouth.  You love your daycare and have been coined a "ladies man" there since you flirt with all the girls in your class.  You are friendly to everyone you meet, and are drawn to other babies and children.

You sleep so, so well, having slept through the night since you were about 6 weeks old.  Your bedtime routine begins at 7pm with a bath (every other night), music, a bottle, book, and your bedtime prayer, and you are almost always asleep by 8pm (after talking to yourself and giggling in your crib).  We hear you wake up, again just chatting and figuring out new sounds, between 7-8am.  You love sleeping with your Lion lovie and rolling over to your stomach for your night's rest.  You usually take two big 2-3 hour naps during the day and sometimes a quick catnap in the evening.  You could take or leave your pacifier for bed or naptime.  You have only had milk for nutrition... no solid foods or rice cereal just yet, although you intently watch others when they are eating or drinking their food.

You love your jumparoo, swinging, tummy time, sitting up, and playing with many types of toys.  You have become quite the mobile boy, though it is just with rolling over.  You start in one place and within minutes are across the room.  You like listening to music and dancing with Mommy or Daddy.  You love when Mommy raps to you, especially her alphabet rap song... you laugh every single time.  I have thought about taking a video of my "Mommy Rap" and showing it to your friends when you are a teenager.  We'll see how well behaved you are then :)  Bath time is so much fun, and you could stay splashing in the water for hours if we let you.  You like helping Daddy with chores around the house and yard work.  You are a great traveler, whether it is in the car, stroller, boat, or Bjorn.  You are very observant and are always acutely interested in new surroundings.  New people and places often distract you from things like eating because you are checking everything out and trying to soak it all in.

You have visited several places including Farmington, Table Rock Lake & Branson, and Blue Springs.  You have been to school, the pediatrician, church (several), two weddings, homes of Mommy's and Daddy's friends, one birthday party, many stores & restaurants, and the park.  You have been through one tornado drill and one real tornado warning at school when a tornado was only about a mile away (your teachers said you were so brave, excited about the field trip to the "big room" until the bad weather passed).  You have taken rides in the car, truck, Grandpa T's skiboat, the paddleboat, and the SeaDoo with Daddy.  You have also tried to ride on Max, but he didn't really enjoy it as much as you :)  You had your Baby Dedication at First Baptist Church in Farmington, and Mommy & Daddy were so proud of you!

You weigh 16 pounds, 14 ounces (50th percentile) and are 27 inches long (75th percentile).  You have dark blonde/light brown hair and dark blue eyes, with a cute button nose.  You have long toes and big feet.  You have the same chubby cheeks you've had since you were born and are starting to get some new rolls in your thighs.  You do not have any teeth yet but are currently working on a couple. You wear clothes that are sized for your age, and you are starting to sport all of your 6-9 month summer fashions.  Yes, you are mommy's little dress-up doll, but you humor her very graciously.

You are a happy, healthy boy and have blessed your Mommy & Daddy so very much since you were born.  You are the light of our lives, and we could not imagine not having you with us.  We love you, Caiden Lake and are so lucky to be your parents.

Love,

Mommy

Mom's Day Numero Uno

First photo of my momma and me - November 17, 1979

In the weeks leading up to my first Mother's Day, ironically, I was not thinking too much of myself.  My mind was directed more toward my own mother and the kind of mom she has been to me and my two brothers.  As soon as Caiden was born and I became a momma myself, I have had such a new appreciation to moms of all kinds... traditional family, single mother, working and stay-at-home mom, lots of kiddos, one kiddo, adopted kiddo.  But on the top of this list is the wonderful admiration I have of my own mom, Cathy Hawn.  In a word, she is AMAZING.  No joke.  No exaggeration.  

Christmas, 1979

She is an awesome cook, and my husband often asks if I will make (or learn to make) one of her dishes.  Clam chowder, lasagna, the best fried chicken with all the fixins, brownies, potato soup, enchiladas, strawberry shortcake... and the list goes on and on.  I have picked up on her knack for cooking, but I still cannot compete with her culinary greatness!  My mouth is watering right now...

Some fancy dancing.

She is an amazing teacher, both professionally and personally.  She has had many students - from 5th grade to college - who have thanked her and showed their appreciation for her knowledge, her patience, her fairness, her stickers on their tests (calculus, of course!), her passion for teaching.  She has also been such a great teacher to my brothers and myself, whether it be helping us with homework, teaching us how to ride a bike, playing the piano, time management, or just how to be patient and kind to others.  The art of sending prompt thank-you notes, writing letters on paper, and the joy in reading a good book.  The importance of a great hug.  And she is just so stinking smart!!!  She's got book smarts, as well as life smarts... a combo that is hard to come by these days. 

One of many photos my dad made us pose for.

She is determined and passionate and a hard-worker.  She had three kiddos and when Tim was in kindergarten, she decided to go back to school full-time to become a teacher.  She completed her undergrad and graduate work (with a 4.0, I might add), commuting over 1 hour each way, and would like to get her doctorate at some point as well.  I'll be the first to admit that going back to school as a "non-traditional" student for a second degree wasn't the easiest thing in the world, but I cannot imagine making that decision with three children at home.  She never takes the easy way out... on anything.  She makes most of her meals from scratch, has never given a test in class that she has given before (can you imagine making brand new tests for every class, every semester, for the past 20 years?!?!), and she would rather re-do hours of trim and crown molding in the Lake house than just let there be a blemish.

My Wedding -  March 29, 2008

She is a wonderful Christian role-model.  Did I love going to church Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and on Wednesdays every week growing up?  No.  But I appreciate having that regimen as a child, now in my adulthood.  We were exposed to all aspects of God through church, choir, youth group, as well as prayer at the dinner table and before bedtime, Bible stories, and consistent Christian virtues displayed in our home.  My mom loves God.  She is patient, kind, self-less, and has a servant's heart.  She goes above and beyond for anyone she knows.  She exudes love, she is LOVE, and she shows that love to her family and friends daily.  I do not think there is a person out there who could have anything negative to say about her character.  I love being able to begin some of those faith rituals with my son in my own home and hope that he grows to love the Lord like we were shown growing up. 

April 2011

As a new mom myself, my relationship with my own mother has deepened.  We share child-rearing tips, laugh with each other at the "old" and "new" way of doing things, and wonder how my generation ever survived sleeping on our tummies, eating food at 3 months of age, and riding in the car on someone's lap.  I appreciate not only what she did for us as children, but what she still does for us as adults.  I don't think there will ever be a day when she doesn't rub my feet when I have them on her lap, or when she doesn't send me a "just because" card, or when she doesn't make a quick weekend visit feel like a huge holiday.  We love spending time together, and I instantly feel a peace whenever she is around.  And I'll be the first to admit that as a teenager with so much angst (ha...), I VOWED to never be like my mom, but now I see myself doing and saying the same things that she did so many years ago.  And I am proud of those things and who I am becoming because it is like her.  

My beautiful Mom.

So, on Mother's Day, I wanted to not make the spotlight about being a mom myself, but to thank my own mother for being, well... just fabulous.  She is my mom, my friend, my confidante, my sounding board, my go-to for SOOOOOOO many things.  I love my mom so very much, and if I can someday be half (or a quarter) of the mom she was to us, I will feel like a success.  

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  I love you!!!!

    

1 Month Down... Only 348 More to Go.

Well, if I calculate approximately retiring at age 60, I have only about 348 months of work left.  Always looking at the bright side, you know? Actually, I still love my job.  I've taken care of some very sick kiddos in the past couple of weeks, but it just makes me appreciate my healthy little boy and my life so much more.  I am getting ready to transition to the night shift next week, so it will be a change for our family.  Ryan will be doing the early morning feeding and having to get up if Caiden wakes up in the middle of the night (which is very rare, but still happens with a cold or the night after vaccinations).  I will be picking Caiden up from daycare, which I am greatly looking forward to.  **I will admit that I have been a bit jealous when Ryan tells stories of him walking in to Caiden's daycare room and is greeted by that big, gummy grin.**  Daddy & Caid will have to be out of the house or super quiet while I nap before my shifts on the weekends.  So, I know it will be a little different around our house, but hopefully the transition will be smooth and easy on everyone.

Caiden turned 4 months old on March 30th.  I can't believe time has gone by so quickly!  He's right on track with his development, and he's even ahead of the curve, conquering many 5 month and a couple of 6 month milestones.  We're so proud of our little man.  He is as handsome as ever and is still holding onto his dark blue eyes from Mommy.  His new hair is coming in much lighter than we expected, too.  So, maybe he gets two of his traits from his momma.  But, alas, I realize as everyone tells me just how much he looks like his daddy.  And that's okay... Daddy is pretty handsome, too!!

Caid is such a happy, laid-back baby.  I have warned Ryan numerous times that most babies are not this easy.  From the day he was born, he has just been such a good baby.  I was thrown off by it, actually.  I take care of babies all day long, most of them fussing at some point or having reflux issues or not sleeping/napping well or just being a little "high maintenance." Not Caiden Lake.  He sleeps great, eats amazingly well, and adapts with such ease to any situation we put him in.  Some days, it seems like he can take care of himself.  Ryan and I both agree that because Caiden has been so easy, our next child will probably give us a run for our money. We hope we're wrong and have only well-behaved, chill kiddos... we are just realistic :)

So, life right now is pretty good. Springtime seems to have decided to stick around (minus the snow, hail storm, and overnight chills we've had in the past couple of weeks).  We are still working on our yard and house (ah, home-ownership), but love that we can have Caid & Max outside with us now.  Ryan is working hard at his job, with several projects on which he is the lead architect.  He is also gearing up again to take more of his licensing tests (more on that in another post).  Our house is never dull, that's for sure!  And after saying all that, A Day in the Life of the Langs is... well, pretty wonderful!!

The Lang Family, December 2010 (photo by Tim Hawn)