Having a baby changes your life. In more ways than one. Duh. I had heard that relationships you had before having kiddos could be altered once your little one arrived, but never really thought too much about it. I loved all the friends in my life. I was sure having our little man would not change things that much.
Well, things did change. But not necessarily how you might think. Yes, we did have a few friends who seemed to fade off into the distance without much ado. Some were more frustrating and harder to let go than others. But the biggest changes I encountered were how many of my friendships grew. Especially my friendships with other moms and moms-to-be. Not only did we share this common thread - our kiddos - but our empathy for each other deepened. We recognize and understand the aspects of daily life that only other moms & dads can. We know the work that it takes to raise children, especially when you are trying to do so while working outside of the home, with Christian values, and all-the-while, trying to stay current and connected to the outside world.
I have mentioned this in a previous post that when I became a mother, I learned so much about my own mom. I feel very similar feelings about my friends who were mothers before me. The cliche is absolutely true that until you have your own children, you just don't understand how it changes your life. How you would give up your own life to save your child's. How you worry about his happiness, his future, his safety... all of the time. How you never knew your heart could be so filled with happiness that at some moments throughout the day, you have to hide the tears of joy trickling down your face.
It goes both ways, too. My friends who were mothers prior to me began reaching out to me more, supporting me throughout the pregnancy, and after Caiden came into our lives. It was wonderful having that empathetic shoulder to lean on, a knowledgeable ear to listen to my stories and questions (or facebook posts), and an understanding heart who shares in the same small joys and trials of motherhood that I was experiencing. Now that I have a couple of friends who are pregnant with their first, I see myself doing the same things. I am so excited to help them navigate the trek through the baby registry and tips for saving money and time. But more so, I am highly awaiting their turn to experience those same joys, both small and large, that I have just recently gone through myself. And honestly, I can't wait to have more opportunities for play dates and mommy-get-togethers :)
And there is my other group of friends who are not yet parents, who are in different stages of their lives, but that are still constant in mine. I think it takes a strong relationship to last through those alternating phases, being completely understanding and patient while each person takes their turn with significant events... even when those milestones seem to be polar opposites of each other. Those friends who I can reconnect with instantly, as if time has not even passed, living in the moments that we are able to spend together... well, those friends are treasures to me.
Friendships are very fluid... they change and develop and grow closer together and farther apart constantly. Trying to keep them exactly the same for all time is unrealistic and, in my experience, a near guarantee for failure. This knowledge has only been highlighted as I have become a mom. I am so fortunate that I do have a wonderful group of friends in my life who understand the life changes I am going through or at least are patient until those ebbs and flows have calmed. They are from different stages in my life, are all in different stages of their own, and we love each other just the same. I am so grateful for each of these friends and the value they have added in my life. I hope I have or can someday do the same for them.
**I did not post any pictures of my friends in this blog, but you know who you are :)
